Wednesday, 6 February 2013

Are you a Kamikaze lover?

Do you climb aboard your plane, take off, aim it at the bridge of the SS Relationship, and watch the anxious face of the ship's captain as you fly directly toward the bridge, ready to destroy your own ship?

Of course you don't! For there's nothing that ever goes wrong in your relationship that is ever your fault, is there?

Because whilst it is true that it takes two to make a relationship work, it is perfectly possible for one partner in a relationship to damage it. By being a Kamikaze lover. Perhaps to even damage it beyond easy repair. If you want to learn how you can damage or wreck an otherwise perfect relationship, read on.

1) Talk with you partner, but never listen to what they have to say. You will find that eventually a combination of dismissive put downs, stony silences and angry yelling will shut them up. Perhaps for good.
2) Always ensure that you are in the right, even -or especially- when you suspect or know that you are in the wrong.
3) Belittle your partner in private and in public. Mock their hobbies, interests and their work abilities. You can extend this to mocking or belittling members of their family and the friends of your partner. Be as negative and as dismissive as possible. The key word here is “alienation.”
4) Use selective memory. Always remember the bad things that he or she has done, but only the good that you have done. Should this prove difficult, use a sub-technique. Employ blatant lies to dismiss or gloss over the memories of your partner. “Oh, really? Well that’s not how I remember it!” works perfectly well in a pinch.
5) Be controlling of your relationship and of your partner. Find out which techniques work best for you. Faux anger, yelling, screaming, tantrums, tears, threats (leaving, taking the children, suicide, violence, etc.) Whatever combination of techniques you decide is best for you, develop them properly and refine them. Remember, practice really does make perfect. Eventually your partner will be so controlled that you will only need a key word or gesture to make them do what you want. Or to simply quit the relationship, whichever suits your purposes.
6) If you have a problem with someone or something outside of the relationship, use Blame Transfer to place the blame upon the shoulders of your partner. This way you can find an outlet for your anger, but will not have to face the real problem.
7) Find fault in anything or everything they do. Be creative.
8) Always ascribe malice to the actions of your partner. This way you will not have to identify what is happening in your relationship, and you can remove any onus on yourself to identify any problems that you might be bringing to the table.
9) If your partner is involved in any dispute –with a member of your family or their family, a business partner or work colleague or a neighbour- always presume that your partner is in the wrong. This saves a great deal of effort of trying to establish what has happened and on what side you should be.
10) Always play the martyr when discussing your partner with friends or family. This will earn you much undeserved sympathy, and, should you achieve the ultimate goal of destroying your relationship, you will have set the scene for many hours of debating what an absolute rat he or she was.


  1. You described the marriages of about half my dad's sisters and their husbands. The weird thing is that their own parents' marriage, while seemingly loveless and not one I'd even choose to be in, is not like that. My grandparents' marriage is bad in my opinion because my grandfather loves himself and the church too much to have any love left over for a wife and family. Some say love is infinite and that one can never love something or someone to the degree that he runs out of the capacity to love anyone lese, but my grandfather, though he may be an anomaly, proves to me that one can be so in love ith himslef and with his churhc, which he probably considers one and the same, that there is no more love to go around.

  2. #110 exemplifies my Uncle Mahonri.